Full Script from December 10
The following is the Bible Theatre script of the service as presented on December 10th, 2006. Written by Ande McDougall-Clumpus and led by the youth of Clarkson Road Presbyterian Church. This script is copyright (c) 2006 by its author.
King David enters. He is dressed in a beautiful robe and has an air of superiority. Moses is backstage, Daniel is sitting on the minister’s bench, and everyone else is in the audience.
David: Good evening , and welcome to the 1337th annual Old Testament Characters Meeting. I’m your host, King David, and yes, I am this amazing. (Big, artificial smile) Before we get things underway, I have a few announcements. First, following a hundred complaints after last year’s meeting, we have asked Elijah to not call down fire from heaven, even if there are prophets of Baal in the building. Second, we have separated Jacob from the angels so that they will not wrestle each other during the service. Finally, Adam and Eve have graciously accepted our pleas and are wearing clothes to this meeting. As well… (read announcements from the bulletin)
David: Now, to deliver our opening prayer (reads prayer. Note: This prayer will NOT end in the Lord’s Prayer)
David: Let’s get down to business. Today is December 10, 6 BC. This means that in 6 years we will hit 0 BC. Then what will we do? On top of that, what does BC mean anyway? We need to discuss what sort of change we are going to make to the years so that-
Moses walks on from choir door.
Moses: David?
David: That’s KING David!
Moses: Whatever. Can I talk to you for a moment?
David: Sure Moses. Daniel, cover for me.
David and Moses huddle in back corner while Daniel stands in front of the podium.
Daniel: Uh… why don’t we call upon our entertainer for the night, Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat?
Joseph stands up from pew and walks to the front.
Joseph: (extremely chipper and giddy, a la Donny Osmond) Okay everyone, we’re gonna sing our first hymn! It’s a good one! Please stand and sing hymn #133, Hope is a Star
Congregation sings hymn. David returns to pulpit.
David: That was amazing singing, nearly as good as my own!
Moses walks up to the pulpit.
Moses: (To David) You and your ego… (Faces audience) My people, we’ve been watching the night sky and have noticed a large star, much bigger and brighter than any star we’ve seen before.
Characters in audience gasp and whisper to whoever is near them.
Moses: I believe that we should follow this star to see where it leads. It seems that this is a sign from God that a miracle is going to happen.
Sampson: (Stands up) Just a minute Moses. Aren’t you supposing a bit too much? I mean, maybe it’s just a big star that has appeared randomly. I for one am in no mood to quit this meeting just to go on Star Search.
Moses: Now hang on-
Elijah: (Stands up) I agree with Sampson. (To Sampson) By the way, I love what you’ve done with your hair. (Back to Moses) This meeting is extremely important. We’ve all come from far distances and times to be here, and now you just want to end it? The reason I came here was to discuss our Sin problem, and I’m not leaving until we find a solution for it.
David: Wait-
Adam and Eve stand up, eating apples.
Adam: Yeah, if anyone needs to discuss our little sin problem it’s us, because we know a thing or two about sin, don’t we Eve?
Eve: There you go again. Honestly Adam, I make one little mistake and I never hear the ends of it.
Adam: One, LITTLE mistake? You got us kicked out of our home!
Eve: Listen Adam, to tell you the truth, that garden was getting BORING. There wasn’t anything to do and-
Adam: Hey, you were the one who never wanted to go out at all!
Eve: Go out? How could we go out? You know I didn’t have anything to wear.
Sampson: Your bickering is making me angry! (Like The Hulk) You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!
Daniel: Well you’re ignorance is making me angry!
Elijah: Don’t make me call down fire on you!
Daniel: Yeah, like that’ll hurt the guy who spent a night with the lions!
Joseph: Guys, why can’t we all be friends?
Everyone except Moses and David begins to argue.
Moses: Everyone, quiet down! Be quiet! (Everyone continues to argue) THE EARTH IS A PERFECT SPHERE! (Everyone gasps and is silent) Thank you. Now that I have your attention, I think we need to follow that star. Who is with me?
David, Joseph and Daniel raise their hands.
Moses: Fine then. We’ll go, you guys stay here.
Sampson: Fine!
Elijah: Deal!
Moses: I tell you, you are going to regret not being there when the miracle of miracle happens. Let’s go guys.
Moses, David, Daniel and Joseph leave through the door to the hallway, while everyone else who is standing sits down. Allow a moment of silence.
Sampson: Uh, do you think someone should continue the service?
Elijah: Good thinking. I think we should do a responsive reading.
Reader goes up to pulpit.
Reader: We will read Luke 1:68-79
Sampson: Okay, who was that?
The pirate walks in through the middle back doors, making “yar” sounds.
Elijah: Uh, who are you?
Pirate: Yar, I’m a pirate, can’t ya tell?
Elijah: What are you doing here?
Pirate: (Looks around) Yar, is this the Pirate Convention?
Elijah: No. It’s a Bible Characters’ Convention.
Pirate: Ah, that would explain the angelic chorus I heaaaarrrrrrrd.
Sampson: (Stands up) Angelic chorus?
Pirate: Yeah, I heaaarrrrrrd some heavenly voices yo-ho-ho-ing in the distance. They were singing pretty well.
Sampson: That means that Moses wasn’t wrong- something incredible is going to happen tonight!
Elijah: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Sampson: The Leafs are going to win the Stanley Cup?
Elijah: No! We need to follow the star as well!
Sampson: Oh, yeah. That was my OTHER thought.
Elijah: Adam! Eve! Do you guys want to join us?
Adam and Eve stop mine-arguing with each other and stand up.
Adam: Are you sure you want to be seen with us? We’ve kind of given humankind a reason to be really mad at us.
Eve: Oh, enough Adam. If it wasn’t for me, there’d be no such thing as fashion. I tell you, thousands of years from now women around the world will thank me for single-handedly inventing shopping!
Adam: (Holding is head) Unbelievable. Of all the women in the world, I get the original diva.
Eve: For heaven’s sake, will you just relax?
Sampson: Well, are you coming?
Adam: Sure, sure we’ll go, but keep her away from fruit trees.
Elijah: We better hurry. The miracle of miracle of miracles could happen any time.
They all leave through the middle back doors. David and his crew enter through the back right doors and make their way to centre stage.
David: I don’t recognize this place. Are we lost?
Moses: Of course not David.
David: KING David!
Moses: Of course not King David. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to lead people through a wilderness.
David, Joseph and Daniel look at him with raised eyes.
Daniel: And how many years did that take again?
Moses: Uh, never mind. Hey Joseph, how ‘bout we sing a song?
Joseph: Golly! I thought you’d never ask! Our next hymn’s one of my personal favs! It’s #147, Angels We Have Heard on High.
Everyone sings the hymn.
David: Hold still! I think I hear people coming!
Moses: Let’s hide!
David: Hide? A king does not hide! I didn’t hide from Goliath! I didn’t hide from Saul!
Daniel: Yes you did.
David: Well, I’m not going to hide from whatever is coming towards us! I will face it like the smart, attractive, funny, strong, athletic, brave, kingly and humble man that I am!
He goes to the door that leads to the hall and looks through it.
David: (Shouting in a panic) AHH! RUN!
Everyone runs to the choir area and hides behind the barrier in front of the first row.
Daniel: (Whispering) What is out there?
David: It’s terrible…
The Sunday School classes enter.
Moses: You fool! Those are children!
Joseph: Quiet, it looks like they’re putting on a presentation! I want to see it!
The Sunday School does its presentation. When they leave the group stands.
Moses: That was wonderful.
David: Yes, it was.
Daniel: How would you know? You spent the entire time cowering in fear.
David: (Changing subject) We better get out of here and continue to follow the star.
They exit via the choir door. Sampson and his group come in from the hall door.
Elijah: I’m not a world-class explorer, but I think that bright star is leading us to Bethlehem!
Sampson: I wonder what awaits us there.
Pirate: Yar, maybe it be buried treas-arrrrrrr.
Adam: (sarcastically) Maybe there’s a big sale on.
Eve: (Clapping her hands and jumping up and down) You think? And it’s getting late. Oh I just bet it’s a midnight madness sale. They’re the best. I wonder if there’s a toy store. I need to get the newest version of Bethlehem-opoly.
Adam: Why? We already have a copy of that game.
Eve: No, you misplaced both dice, remember?
Sampson: Oh boy, pair-of-dice lost!
Pirate: (Pointing at Adam and Eve with her sword) Yar, I say we make them walk the plank.
Sampson: I’m with you there.
Elijah: Please, everyone, stop fighting. We’ll never find the miracle of miracle of miracle of miracles if we keep bickering. Look, there has to be a reason for this bright star, and if we keep arguing we’ll never find out why it’s there.
Sampson: Yeah, whatever we’re heading to, I get the feeling that it’s really important. Let’s keep going.
They exit through the centre back door. David and gang enter from the back left door.
Joseph: (Singing) 42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer, if one of those-
Daniel: You’d think that after 57 verses we’d get the idea.
Moses: Man, someone should write that guy a musical or something...
They make their way to the centre stage.
David: I hate to say it, but I think we’re still lost. I can still see the star, but I have no idea where we are. We’re also out of money.
Daniel: Why don’t we ask for money?
David: Ask? A king does not ask! (Pause) Okay, who do we ask?
Daniel: (Points to audience) Them.
Moses, Joseph and David look at congregation and gasp.
Moses: Have they been there this entire time?
David: But of course! They are my loyal subjects! My people-
Moses: Actually, they are God’s people. As such, we will now take up the offering to be used in the Glory of God. Joseph, give us a song!
Joseph: You got it! How about one of my favorite. (Sings) “And they called it Puppy Love...” No? OK, how about hymn number 161, What Child is This?
The four ushers collect the offering. John does the offering prayer.
Daniel: Hey guys, I think we’re getting close! The star seems a lot brighter now!
Joseph: We better keep moving!
They all run off through the choir door.
Bible Reader #1: And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
Sampson and Co. come through hall door.
Elijah: Those shepherds we met sure were nice to direct us to Bethlehem. I can’t believe Angels appeared and were singing to them.
Pirate: I’ll just be glad when we’re done crossing all of these sandy plains.
Eve: Yeah, these plains are ruining my shoes! And there are snakes everywhere! (Looking down and jumping up) Ah! Another snake! Adam, do something!
Adam: Snakes... why did it have to be snakes?! (Looks at the audience and winks)
Eve: What good are snakes? You can make any sort of clothes out of them! Which is too bad, ‘cause I’m really cold right now!
Elijah: I can fix that; I’ll make us a fire. (He raises his hands towards the sky)
Sampson: (Grab’s Elijah’s arms) Oh no you don’t.
Eve: Why not? I’m as cold as the shoulder Jezebel gave me at the store the other day. She completely snubbed me! I was going to buy these adorable little gowns-
Pirate: Yar, these two landlubbers are going to throw my mind overboard.
Sampson: Well cheer up, little pirate! I see Bethlehem straight ahead!
Pirate: Land-ho!
They exit down the left aisle, out the back left door.
Bible Reader #2: After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."
David and the rest come through the back middle door.
David: Hard to believe that those wise men we met up with were following the star as well. Something huge is going to happen tonight, I can feel it in my rich kingly blood.
Moses: It’s too bad they wouldn’t travel with us. We could use a wise man on our travels.
Daniel: I think I see one! (He chooses a well-known CRPC member and gets him to stand up) Please, come with us and aid us in finding our goal. Which way should we go?
They go in whatever direction the person says, and bring them along.
Joseph: Hey David-
David: KING David!
Joseph: You know what one of my favourite traveling songs is? Hymn # 173, We Three Kings.
They exit as hymn starts.
The hymn ends, and David’s group (on the right) and Sampson’s group (on the left) enter from the back, slowly walking. Dialogue alters back and forth between groups.
Sampson: We’re here! We’ve finally made it!
David: This is it guys! We’re in Bethlehem!
Elijah: The shepherds said the angels told them to come here- let’s hope they were right!
Daniel: Whatever we’re looking for, we’re bound to find it here.
Eve: (To Adam) I see some great stores, can I borrow your credit scroll?
Moses: (To Joseph) Get ready to sing in joy.
Adam: My credit scroll? You’ve already maxed it out!
Joseph: I was born ready.
Pirate: Yar!
They all meet at centre stage and greet each other in joy.
David: I knew you guys would follow that star after all!
Sampson: Our pirate friend convinced us to. (Motioning to man from audience) Who’s this guy?
Daniel: He’s a wise man. (To man) You can sit down now. (Man sits down)
Elijah: Some shepherds told us that we would find what we’re looking for in a manger.
Adam: Why, there’s a manger right here! (Points to hall doorway)
Pirate: Yar, it’s time to meet our treas-arrr: The Messiah!
Eve: The Messiah?
Elijah: (Suddenly gets it) Of course! The prophecy makes sense! The angels told the shepherds that the Son of God was to be born tonight! Born in the House of David!
David: Lucky guy.
Elijah: (Looks at Pirate) I knew there was something familiar about you! (He removes Pirate’s eye patch and bandana) This isn’t a pirate! It’s the Prophet Isaiah!
Everyone else gasps.
Daniel: The first or second one?
Pirate/Isaiah: Yo-ho-ho, you figured me out. I had predicted this night many centuries ago, when I wrote this:
Bible Reader #2: The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
Sampson: Who said that? How did you do that?
Pirate: When I saw the star, I knew the night had arrived. But when half of you did not originally come, I decided to dress up as a pirate to convince you to witness the most important night the world will ever experience.
Daniel: I get it now! The Messiah… He’s the one I had my visions about! The one who would bring peace and destroy sin and death! The Saviour of Mankind!
Joseph: And he’s in there right now. Golly. You know what? I feel like singing hymn # 133, Go Tell It on the Mountains. And we should remaining standing after singing it.
Sings hymn
Sampson: I guess we know what we have to do then.
Pirate: (Still maintaining character) Yar, we have to go and tell the world about Jesus, and make new disciples!
Daniel: And love and forgive others, just as He does for us.
David: We have to set our mind on Him, and live with His spirit in our lives.
Elijah: For we know that He is Good, and will be with us wherever we go.
Adam: Forever and ever.
Sampson: It’s true, but we have to do something first.
Eve: Of course…
Sampson: Let’s go meet the King of Kings.
Pirate: Ourrrrr treas-arrrr.
Joseph: The Messiah lies right in there.
Daniel: To think, we would’ve missed it all if we had stayed in our meeting.
David: Meeting adjourned. It’s time to see the miracle of miracle of miracle of miracle of miracles.
All: Let’s go!
They run through the door and into the hall. Choral amen and recessional. Everyone comes out for a bow during the Postlude.
King David enters. He is dressed in a beautiful robe and has an air of superiority. Moses is backstage, Daniel is sitting on the minister’s bench, and everyone else is in the audience.
David: Good evening , and welcome to the 1337th annual Old Testament Characters Meeting. I’m your host, King David, and yes, I am this amazing. (Big, artificial smile) Before we get things underway, I have a few announcements. First, following a hundred complaints after last year’s meeting, we have asked Elijah to not call down fire from heaven, even if there are prophets of Baal in the building. Second, we have separated Jacob from the angels so that they will not wrestle each other during the service. Finally, Adam and Eve have graciously accepted our pleas and are wearing clothes to this meeting. As well… (read announcements from the bulletin)
David: Now, to deliver our opening prayer (reads prayer. Note: This prayer will NOT end in the Lord’s Prayer)
David: Let’s get down to business. Today is December 10, 6 BC. This means that in 6 years we will hit 0 BC. Then what will we do? On top of that, what does BC mean anyway? We need to discuss what sort of change we are going to make to the years so that-
Moses walks on from choir door.
Moses: David?
David: That’s KING David!
Moses: Whatever. Can I talk to you for a moment?
David: Sure Moses. Daniel, cover for me.
David and Moses huddle in back corner while Daniel stands in front of the podium.
Daniel: Uh… why don’t we call upon our entertainer for the night, Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat?
Joseph stands up from pew and walks to the front.
Joseph: (extremely chipper and giddy, a la Donny Osmond) Okay everyone, we’re gonna sing our first hymn! It’s a good one! Please stand and sing hymn #133, Hope is a Star
Congregation sings hymn. David returns to pulpit.
David: That was amazing singing, nearly as good as my own!
Moses walks up to the pulpit.
Moses: (To David) You and your ego… (Faces audience) My people, we’ve been watching the night sky and have noticed a large star, much bigger and brighter than any star we’ve seen before.
Characters in audience gasp and whisper to whoever is near them.
Moses: I believe that we should follow this star to see where it leads. It seems that this is a sign from God that a miracle is going to happen.
Sampson: (Stands up) Just a minute Moses. Aren’t you supposing a bit too much? I mean, maybe it’s just a big star that has appeared randomly. I for one am in no mood to quit this meeting just to go on Star Search.
Moses: Now hang on-
Elijah: (Stands up) I agree with Sampson. (To Sampson) By the way, I love what you’ve done with your hair. (Back to Moses) This meeting is extremely important. We’ve all come from far distances and times to be here, and now you just want to end it? The reason I came here was to discuss our Sin problem, and I’m not leaving until we find a solution for it.
David: Wait-
Adam and Eve stand up, eating apples.
Adam: Yeah, if anyone needs to discuss our little sin problem it’s us, because we know a thing or two about sin, don’t we Eve?
Eve: There you go again. Honestly Adam, I make one little mistake and I never hear the ends of it.
Adam: One, LITTLE mistake? You got us kicked out of our home!
Eve: Listen Adam, to tell you the truth, that garden was getting BORING. There wasn’t anything to do and-
Adam: Hey, you were the one who never wanted to go out at all!
Eve: Go out? How could we go out? You know I didn’t have anything to wear.
Sampson: Your bickering is making me angry! (Like The Hulk) You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!
Daniel: Well you’re ignorance is making me angry!
Elijah: Don’t make me call down fire on you!
Daniel: Yeah, like that’ll hurt the guy who spent a night with the lions!
Joseph: Guys, why can’t we all be friends?
Everyone except Moses and David begins to argue.
Moses: Everyone, quiet down! Be quiet! (Everyone continues to argue) THE EARTH IS A PERFECT SPHERE! (Everyone gasps and is silent) Thank you. Now that I have your attention, I think we need to follow that star. Who is with me?
David, Joseph and Daniel raise their hands.
Moses: Fine then. We’ll go, you guys stay here.
Sampson: Fine!
Elijah: Deal!
Moses: I tell you, you are going to regret not being there when the miracle of miracle happens. Let’s go guys.
Moses, David, Daniel and Joseph leave through the door to the hallway, while everyone else who is standing sits down. Allow a moment of silence.
Sampson: Uh, do you think someone should continue the service?
Elijah: Good thinking. I think we should do a responsive reading.
Reader goes up to pulpit.
Reader: We will read Luke 1:68-79
Sampson: Okay, who was that?
The pirate walks in through the middle back doors, making “yar” sounds.
Elijah: Uh, who are you?
Pirate: Yar, I’m a pirate, can’t ya tell?
Elijah: What are you doing here?
Pirate: (Looks around) Yar, is this the Pirate Convention?
Elijah: No. It’s a Bible Characters’ Convention.
Pirate: Ah, that would explain the angelic chorus I heaaaarrrrrrrd.
Sampson: (Stands up) Angelic chorus?
Pirate: Yeah, I heaaarrrrrrd some heavenly voices yo-ho-ho-ing in the distance. They were singing pretty well.
Sampson: That means that Moses wasn’t wrong- something incredible is going to happen tonight!
Elijah: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Sampson: The Leafs are going to win the Stanley Cup?
Elijah: No! We need to follow the star as well!
Sampson: Oh, yeah. That was my OTHER thought.
Elijah: Adam! Eve! Do you guys want to join us?
Adam and Eve stop mine-arguing with each other and stand up.
Adam: Are you sure you want to be seen with us? We’ve kind of given humankind a reason to be really mad at us.
Eve: Oh, enough Adam. If it wasn’t for me, there’d be no such thing as fashion. I tell you, thousands of years from now women around the world will thank me for single-handedly inventing shopping!
Adam: (Holding is head) Unbelievable. Of all the women in the world, I get the original diva.
Eve: For heaven’s sake, will you just relax?
Sampson: Well, are you coming?
Adam: Sure, sure we’ll go, but keep her away from fruit trees.
Elijah: We better hurry. The miracle of miracle of miracles could happen any time.
They all leave through the middle back doors. David and his crew enter through the back right doors and make their way to centre stage.
David: I don’t recognize this place. Are we lost?
Moses: Of course not David.
David: KING David!
Moses: Of course not King David. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to lead people through a wilderness.
David, Joseph and Daniel look at him with raised eyes.
Daniel: And how many years did that take again?
Moses: Uh, never mind. Hey Joseph, how ‘bout we sing a song?
Joseph: Golly! I thought you’d never ask! Our next hymn’s one of my personal favs! It’s #147, Angels We Have Heard on High.
Everyone sings the hymn.
David: Hold still! I think I hear people coming!
Moses: Let’s hide!
David: Hide? A king does not hide! I didn’t hide from Goliath! I didn’t hide from Saul!
Daniel: Yes you did.
David: Well, I’m not going to hide from whatever is coming towards us! I will face it like the smart, attractive, funny, strong, athletic, brave, kingly and humble man that I am!
He goes to the door that leads to the hall and looks through it.
David: (Shouting in a panic) AHH! RUN!
Everyone runs to the choir area and hides behind the barrier in front of the first row.
Daniel: (Whispering) What is out there?
David: It’s terrible…
The Sunday School classes enter.
Moses: You fool! Those are children!
Joseph: Quiet, it looks like they’re putting on a presentation! I want to see it!
The Sunday School does its presentation. When they leave the group stands.
Moses: That was wonderful.
David: Yes, it was.
Daniel: How would you know? You spent the entire time cowering in fear.
David: (Changing subject) We better get out of here and continue to follow the star.
They exit via the choir door. Sampson and his group come in from the hall door.
Elijah: I’m not a world-class explorer, but I think that bright star is leading us to Bethlehem!
Sampson: I wonder what awaits us there.
Pirate: Yar, maybe it be buried treas-arrrrrrr.
Adam: (sarcastically) Maybe there’s a big sale on.
Eve: (Clapping her hands and jumping up and down) You think? And it’s getting late. Oh I just bet it’s a midnight madness sale. They’re the best. I wonder if there’s a toy store. I need to get the newest version of Bethlehem-opoly.
Adam: Why? We already have a copy of that game.
Eve: No, you misplaced both dice, remember?
Sampson: Oh boy, pair-of-dice lost!
Pirate: (Pointing at Adam and Eve with her sword) Yar, I say we make them walk the plank.
Sampson: I’m with you there.
Elijah: Please, everyone, stop fighting. We’ll never find the miracle of miracle of miracle of miracles if we keep bickering. Look, there has to be a reason for this bright star, and if we keep arguing we’ll never find out why it’s there.
Sampson: Yeah, whatever we’re heading to, I get the feeling that it’s really important. Let’s keep going.
They exit through the centre back door. David and gang enter from the back left door.
Joseph: (Singing) 42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer, if one of those-
Daniel: You’d think that after 57 verses we’d get the idea.
Moses: Man, someone should write that guy a musical or something...
They make their way to the centre stage.
David: I hate to say it, but I think we’re still lost. I can still see the star, but I have no idea where we are. We’re also out of money.
Daniel: Why don’t we ask for money?
David: Ask? A king does not ask! (Pause) Okay, who do we ask?
Daniel: (Points to audience) Them.
Moses, Joseph and David look at congregation and gasp.
Moses: Have they been there this entire time?
David: But of course! They are my loyal subjects! My people-
Moses: Actually, they are God’s people. As such, we will now take up the offering to be used in the Glory of God. Joseph, give us a song!
Joseph: You got it! How about one of my favorite. (Sings) “And they called it Puppy Love...” No? OK, how about hymn number 161, What Child is This?
The four ushers collect the offering. John does the offering prayer.
Daniel: Hey guys, I think we’re getting close! The star seems a lot brighter now!
Joseph: We better keep moving!
They all run off through the choir door.
Bible Reader #1: And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
Sampson and Co. come through hall door.
Elijah: Those shepherds we met sure were nice to direct us to Bethlehem. I can’t believe Angels appeared and were singing to them.
Pirate: I’ll just be glad when we’re done crossing all of these sandy plains.
Eve: Yeah, these plains are ruining my shoes! And there are snakes everywhere! (Looking down and jumping up) Ah! Another snake! Adam, do something!
Adam: Snakes... why did it have to be snakes?! (Looks at the audience and winks)
Eve: What good are snakes? You can make any sort of clothes out of them! Which is too bad, ‘cause I’m really cold right now!
Elijah: I can fix that; I’ll make us a fire. (He raises his hands towards the sky)
Sampson: (Grab’s Elijah’s arms) Oh no you don’t.
Eve: Why not? I’m as cold as the shoulder Jezebel gave me at the store the other day. She completely snubbed me! I was going to buy these adorable little gowns-
Pirate: Yar, these two landlubbers are going to throw my mind overboard.
Sampson: Well cheer up, little pirate! I see Bethlehem straight ahead!
Pirate: Land-ho!
They exit down the left aisle, out the back left door.
Bible Reader #2: After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."
David and the rest come through the back middle door.
David: Hard to believe that those wise men we met up with were following the star as well. Something huge is going to happen tonight, I can feel it in my rich kingly blood.
Moses: It’s too bad they wouldn’t travel with us. We could use a wise man on our travels.
Daniel: I think I see one! (He chooses a well-known CRPC member and gets him to stand up) Please, come with us and aid us in finding our goal. Which way should we go?
They go in whatever direction the person says, and bring them along.
Joseph: Hey David-
David: KING David!
Joseph: You know what one of my favourite traveling songs is? Hymn # 173, We Three Kings.
They exit as hymn starts.
The hymn ends, and David’s group (on the right) and Sampson’s group (on the left) enter from the back, slowly walking. Dialogue alters back and forth between groups.
Sampson: We’re here! We’ve finally made it!
David: This is it guys! We’re in Bethlehem!
Elijah: The shepherds said the angels told them to come here- let’s hope they were right!
Daniel: Whatever we’re looking for, we’re bound to find it here.
Eve: (To Adam) I see some great stores, can I borrow your credit scroll?
Moses: (To Joseph) Get ready to sing in joy.
Adam: My credit scroll? You’ve already maxed it out!
Joseph: I was born ready.
Pirate: Yar!
They all meet at centre stage and greet each other in joy.
David: I knew you guys would follow that star after all!
Sampson: Our pirate friend convinced us to. (Motioning to man from audience) Who’s this guy?
Daniel: He’s a wise man. (To man) You can sit down now. (Man sits down)
Elijah: Some shepherds told us that we would find what we’re looking for in a manger.
Adam: Why, there’s a manger right here! (Points to hall doorway)
Pirate: Yar, it’s time to meet our treas-arrr: The Messiah!
Eve: The Messiah?
Elijah: (Suddenly gets it) Of course! The prophecy makes sense! The angels told the shepherds that the Son of God was to be born tonight! Born in the House of David!
David: Lucky guy.
Elijah: (Looks at Pirate) I knew there was something familiar about you! (He removes Pirate’s eye patch and bandana) This isn’t a pirate! It’s the Prophet Isaiah!
Everyone else gasps.
Daniel: The first or second one?
Pirate/Isaiah: Yo-ho-ho, you figured me out. I had predicted this night many centuries ago, when I wrote this:
Bible Reader #2: The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
Sampson: Who said that? How did you do that?
Pirate: When I saw the star, I knew the night had arrived. But when half of you did not originally come, I decided to dress up as a pirate to convince you to witness the most important night the world will ever experience.
Daniel: I get it now! The Messiah… He’s the one I had my visions about! The one who would bring peace and destroy sin and death! The Saviour of Mankind!
Joseph: And he’s in there right now. Golly. You know what? I feel like singing hymn # 133, Go Tell It on the Mountains. And we should remaining standing after singing it.
Sings hymn
Sampson: I guess we know what we have to do then.
Pirate: (Still maintaining character) Yar, we have to go and tell the world about Jesus, and make new disciples!
Daniel: And love and forgive others, just as He does for us.
David: We have to set our mind on Him, and live with His spirit in our lives.
Elijah: For we know that He is Good, and will be with us wherever we go.
Adam: Forever and ever.
Sampson: It’s true, but we have to do something first.
Eve: Of course…
Sampson: Let’s go meet the King of Kings.
Pirate: Ourrrrr treas-arrrr.
Joseph: The Messiah lies right in there.
Daniel: To think, we would’ve missed it all if we had stayed in our meeting.
David: Meeting adjourned. It’s time to see the miracle of miracle of miracle of miracle of miracles.
All: Let’s go!
They run through the door and into the hall. Choral amen and recessional. Everyone comes out for a bow during the Postlude.
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